charlie's song

About

061514350013I married my best friend Reid on June 10th, 2006, and I am absolutely convinced that we have been given to one another to get through this life.  I love him so much, and life has been a constant adventure we’re desperately trying to get through together…as we walk with Jesus and trust Him to write our story.

One of my favorite things about being married to Reid is getting to be parents together, and the Lord has blessed us with six beautiful babies:  Emma Leigh, Friedrich Uriah, Sophie Noël, and Charlie James, who died in my womb at 37 weeks.  Losing baby Charlie, was the heartbreak of our lives.  And then, to our shock and devastation, two more babies died in my womb the same year Charlie died.  Losing our last three babies has been the deepest sorrow of our lives, and there is absolutely nothing that has more shattered (or probably more strengthened) our faith…than trusting God with this part of our story.

For over a year, we did not know the cause of my failing health, or the reason for our reoccurring pregnancy losses, and then, on February 14th, 2014 we received the devastating news that our family had been poisoned by exposure to toxic black mold and mycotoxins found in the house where we were living.

Finding out that our entire family was dangerously sick from mold exposure, and that we could no longer keep anything we owned that had been exposed to the mycotoxins in our house, was both overwhelming and devastating.  And also…a relief.  It has been a long and painfully slow journey of mold recovery, but we are also so grateful that we finally have a name to put to the enemy that has stolen so much from our lives.  It has been a long journey filled with many twists and set backs along the way.  At the same time, we have truly seen overwhelming evidence of God’s sovereign hand upon our family, and the love and care of the body of Christ, each and every step of the way.

008I am a mommy.  Being a parent is an interesting thing.  You find yourself doing crazy, completely out of character things that you absolutely never would have done…save for your relentless love for a precious little being. Case and point:  A few months ago I very narrowly escaped getting in a cat fight at Disney’s California Adventure.  I’m soooo not a cat fight kind of girl.  But, things happen when you love a little person with a Mama bear kind of love.  I was watching Fred play on a very steep slide at CA Adventure, when all of a sudden this punk two-year-old started shoving my darling Fred and pushing him backwards right over the steep, 6-foot drop of a slide.  Shoving! And there was my precious second-born swaying back and forth and trying desperately to hang on for dear life. More in fear than in anger I just started yelling, “Stop!  Don’t push!  Don’t push!” as loud as I possibly could.  I felt like my Freddo’s life was hanging in the balance and since I was pregnant with Charlie, and holding one-year-old Sophie… all I could do was yell at the kid to stop pushing.  The kids Grandma was apparently yelling at him too, but if she was yelling at him it must have been in a whisper because he simply was not listening.  Suddenly Grandma appears out of no where and just keeps apologizing and saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so very sorry.”  I thought that was the end of it.  Until…five minutes later when punk kid’s negligent mom comes up to me and starts screaming at me and telling me, “Who do you think you are to tell my kid what to do!”  And so on and so forth.  She wanted it to go to blows and I just kept thinking, “I don’t even like talking to strangers, I cannot believe I’m being yelled at by one at the happiest place on earth!”

But here’s the thing…I just didn’t care.  Because I love my Freddo too much to care what punk kid’s negligent mom thinks.  I just looked at her and cooly said, “I don’t care one bit if you think I’m pyscho mom for yelling at your kid. When your kid is trying to send my kid to the hospital, I will yell at him as long as it takes to protect my kid’s life.”  As I walked away (shaking of course) I thought to myself,  “Well, parenting certainly does change everything.”  Things you’d never do…you just do without even thinking.  Because now you LOVE somebody.

So, that’s the first thing about me…I’m a mommy.  And loving these six precious somebody’s has changed me. Changed me into someone I had never thought I’d be.  A take-on-mean-people-at-Disneyland, blog-your-deepest-heart-ache-to-total-strangers, do anything for the precious little ones the Lord has given me…kind of mom.  I would never have started this blog were it not for the fourth precious bundle the Lord brought into my life…our sweet Charlie James.  But God did bring him into my life, and I have started blogging, because this is one of the most important things about me: I am someones…six little someones…Mommy.  And this is the best way I can think, to love the ones I did not get to love on in this life.  To love them…as I wait for eternity.

430351_10150584564440863_1220335992_nI’m a child of the King.  Which brings me to my second point:  I love having little ones who belong to me.  But I know there is something that matters even more than having people who belong to me…I belong to Somebody.

I believe in Jesus.  That He came…that He died…that He rose from the grave to end the power of death in all its victory and all its sting…and that He is coming again one day to finally right all the wrongs of this broken world.  If you had asked me a year ago…I would have said that I believed the exact same things…but after our Sweet Charlie’s birth on January 28th, 2013, and the incredibly difficult and painful years we have endured of being held by God and loved by Him through all of this sorrow and suffering, I believe all the more…that I am a child of the King.

There’s lots more about me.  But none of it matters as much as these two things.  The first matters a little, for the story that God is writing for my life.  The second matters a LOT…for the story God is writing for eternity.

with love,   misty

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16 thoughts on “About

  1. and another thing: I’m so glad you starting writing because you’ve always been gifted with such magical, heart-stirring communication. Over the years there’s so many things I’ve missed about you, and this is a way I can–even if just a little bit–be reunited with those things. Keep writing my dear sister Princess, we are reading and we are changed.

    • I so agree with Lana. I am brought to tears and so sorry for all that has happened. But I praise God that you are sharing with others. What an impact you are having with the world, dear sister. I am so blessed to know people like you – mamas who are doing their best to love their kids and make a difference in the world. praying for you right now, Misty.

  2. We don’t know each other at all, but I stumbled upon your blog and just want to let you know that I have wept with you, am praying for you and wish moments of strength and peace for you as you grieve.

  3. Our Son Colt was stillborn on April 5th 2013. My mothers friend recommended that i take a look at your website. Your blog has really helped me…that i’m not alone on all my different emotions. Thank you for sharing your story about your precious Charlie.

  4. Hi.
    Wondering how I can participate I. Tonight’s auction? I’d like to donate a wrapped horseshoe if you’re interested.

  5. Dear sweet Misty,
    I usually don’t get sucked into others’ stories online. I’m a widowed mama of two littles with a bit of a Job-like story of my own … and I know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to one-another, but honestly, God has used just that in my life to wake me up. And He’s done it again tonite. Thank you for being online for me to find. Not only am I feeling chastened (in a good way), but … My brother suffers symptoms less severe, but uncomfortably similar to what you describe. I just called him, told him about you and suggested he get tested for mycotoxin poisoning. So you’ve helped one for sure, and maybe two here in Southwest Washington tonite. I wish I had the means to help you. What I can do is be a Facebook friend who shares efforts on your behalf, so please friend me if you like. One more thing … It doesn’t sound like you have a problem with this, but: Believe the God things. I too keep a notebook of all the God things that havehappened since our kids ran in to see my trying to save their dying father the day after Thanksgiving 2012.

  6. Misty,
    A college friend of mine from Moody posted your blog the other day and I checked it out because I was unsure of who you are and what was going on. I have a terrible memory, so I am not sure if we knew each other or not (don’t know your maiden name; mine was Vanderlaan), but I just wanted you to know that you are daily in my thoughts and prayers. The beautiful words in your blog and the story that God is crafting through your life has greatly ministered to my heart (and I am sure many other hearts). God brought you to my mind the other day as I was listening to the band Rend Collective. The words have strengthened and lifted up my heart every time I have listened to it. I would love to send you the cd if you dont already own it.
    Thank you for sharing your faith and your life with the world. It is an absolutely beautiful testament of the Lord’s work.
    In His strength,
    Sarah

  7. Dear Misty,
    My heart goes out to you.
    I read the post about Charlie James and then the letter from John Piper. How wonderfully this answers our questions about meeting our little ones in heaven! I would like to ask your permission to post segments of your story and his letter (and link back to you and Desiring God). My blog is a Titus 2 women’s blog, and I believe this would help others who have gone through the loss of a child or a baby. I have lost babies, too, and know the desolation of heart and mind. I pray that many will be blessed by your story!

    I would also like to use a photo of your family if you are good with that.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.
    Warmly,
    Jacqueline

    • Dear Jacqueline…please feel free to use any portions of the blog that you would like. And as long as you site desiring god…i’m sure that will be fine.

      i will email you my email and a picture…

      love, misty

  8. Hi Misty & Zeller Family,

    I can only imagine the many emails you must receive each day. However, I am strongly compelled to send you a message of support and encouragement . I can’t begin to tell you how moved I am by your utter strength and grace. Despite the many struggles and obstacles you’ve clearly had to face in your life, you’ve chosen to fight for your faith and bear witness to the work God is doing in your life. While I know that it is highly unlikely that we will ever find complete understanding in this lifetime of our individual circumstances, I do believe that our faith can help us find peace and hope for the future. Thank you again for being brave enough to share your story, a story that helps us all to deepen our faith, maintain perspective and praise God for the many blessings He bestows upon us each day. I will continue to pray for you and your family that you find peace and comfort throughout these tough times and for the years ahead.

  9. Your heart is exposed for all to see and it is a beautiful reflection of Jesus. I pray for continued strength and forbearance for the Zeller family.

  10. Misty, I am a friend and former roomie of Kim M. She told me about your blog last summer. I recently revisited and was immediately caught up in your story. Your writing is beautiful and poignant and God honoring. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with us. I am praying for your family. P.S. I will look forward to reading your book when it comes out. You do know you are writing a book, don’t you? 😉

  11. Hi! I found your blog last night through deep roots at home and it has been such a blessing already. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and the struggles you are facing in order to encourage others. I was wondering how you ended up finding a good dr to see? Myself and all 4 kids have chronic health issues and are currently dealing with chemical reactions from toxic crop sprays where we live. It is horrible, especially for our youngest, but it’s challenging to find someone who knows enough to help. We also react to regular meds so are trying holistic remedies but it’s even harder to find good drs that treat in that way. Any info on finding a practitioner would be so appreciated. Prayers for you and your family as you walk through these trials.

  12. Congratulations on baby Finn. I’ve followed your story here and on IG for a couple of years and have often prayed for your family. I hope one day you’ll update your story here.

  13. Misty, I am so encouraged by your blog. I nominated you for the Liebster award! Check out the rules here: https://themindthatwanders.wordpress.com/2017/07/12/hey-i-got-the-liebster-award/

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