charlie's song

Charlie’s Name

7 Comments

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Today, I am desperately missing my little boy. Even though we only had nine months with him, there are so many things I loved about him, and one of those was his name. When Charlie was born, one of my first thoughts was, “Oh how I longed to say his name.” To whisper it when he was sleeping, to say his name when we prayed together at the dinner table, to yell for him to come inside and finally take a bath before bedtime.  I LOVED the name Charlie and was so sad about all of the moments we would no longer have to get to say his beautiful, wonderful name.

I felt a lot more attached to Charlie’s name than I did to the other kids names because, interestingly enough, Charlie is the only baby we called by name in the womb. We didn’t find out what we were having with Emma and Fred, and we just didn’t call Sophie by name. But Charlie was “baby Charlie,” and we prayed for him by name and talked about him as a family every single day.  Now…I know why.

What we didn’t know though is what the name “Charlie” means. For each of our other kids, we knew from the beginning even before we named them. We knew that each of their names spoke something great about God when they were all put together.  Emma means “universal.”   Sophie means “wise.”  Fred means “Ruler.”  How beautiful is that!  God…the Universal, Wise Ruler.

I realized this week that we didn’t even know the meaning of Charlie’s name. I so badly wanted his name to fit him, but at this point I knew that this was his name, whatever it means. And so…I googled it. And there over google God met me.

Charlie’s name also says something very special about our great God.

Char * lie: “free man, strong.”

As I read those words, tears poured down my face. Our little Charlie is free. He is a free man. Free from the bonds of sin and death that this world brings. Free from pain and suffering.

And strong…that one hits even closer to home. One of my very favorite moments was holding baby Charlie and singing “Jesus Loves Me” to him.

“Little ones to Him belong…they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.”

Babies are naturally so very fragile to begin with, and as I held our baby’s precious body, he seemed so very very weak. And yet, now, our precious Charlie is strong.  Safe in the arms of God…he is finally, finally strong.

And so…as I think on our Universal Wise Ruler who did not give us what we wanted and is asking us to trust Him with every excruciating breath we take today…I am reminded through our sweet Charlie’s life that this God we are wrestling with…He makes His children free men, strong.

Hours after we found out what Charlie’s name means a friend sent us some passages of Scripture to meditate on that day. She didn’t know what we had just learned about Charlie’s name, but the Lord did.  And as we read the verse she had sent us, we wept knowing yet again how kind and specifically the Lord loves us and meets us on this journey of suffering…

Here is what our friend had written word for word:

“You will be strong and free of fear. You will forget your misery. It will all be gone like water under the bridge. You will have courage because you will have hope. You will be protected and will rest in safety. You will lie down unafraid…” (Job 11: 15b, 16, 18 – 19b NLT)

Because of the universal, wise Ruler who makes us free and strong,

misty

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7 thoughts on “Charlie’s Name

  1. Beautifully written, friend. But even better, how beautifully He has allowed you to connect the dots, HIS DOTS, with the names of your children. Universal Wise Ruler who is free and strong. I love that.

  2. Your son is Beautiful in that picture you posted…A friend, Halle, shared your blog with me….I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your words are so familiar to my own heart. Our son, Sawyer went to be with Jesus 8 months ago in the same manner, but I was 41 weeks. He was born May 25, 2012. There was no cause other than God knows our life, up to the last moment~our days are ordained and written out by our Heavenly Father. I won’t even say that I understand what you are going thru because even though I can relate, no one else can ever understand another persons grief, pain, sorrow and loss of dreams this side of heaven, other than those living it and Jesus who walks with us thru it. I never knew anyone who had lost a child in this way until it happened to our family and in these last months all of a sudden I’m meeting many that had already had it happen as well as those who’ve experienced it since our family did. God has orchestrated some really neat meetings and allowed me to bring His light into many families similar situation, to share Jesus. But, you are the (second I’ve met to lose a child so late, anywhere near the end like me, it is different, and) first that I’ve met who can relate in the sense that you already have other children, and who’s hearts are also broken. Sawyer was our 5th child, our third boy and was dreamed about, talked about and prayed for daily by our whole family. His life was a huge anticipation~differently than our previous 4. We spent our days answering a million questions from our other kids about all the things their new baby brother would do once he finally came out. God knew….and I feel blessed that we had that much time and attention poured over our youngest. He is still part of daily conversation and I hope that never changes…..I couldn’t wait to call out his name. I just have to wait until Heaven to do that and see him run when he hears it. We are loved so much by God that he wanted us to have another sweet babe join our family (a year sooner than we had planned for sure, I was going to give myself a year from kissing my son goodbye) and I now have #6 due two days before what Sawyer’s due date was last year. Sawyer’s baby sissy will share a birth month with him and be here in time to celebrate his 1st birthday. I did get a year, just not in the way I had thought! The year and the new child are all happening at once. I have yet to meet another mama having one so soon. God is my peace, His perfect love casts out fear….I say that every night as I fall asleep. Has not been easy, pregnant, hormonal, grieving and so soon…. No child can replace another and I think about him every hour of every day and it is surreal to think about his last kick and then to feel her start dancing. But I’m thankful everyday hearing my other children talk about Sawyer and now Nora in the same sentence.

    I will be praying for your family. What a beautiful blog you’ve started….I relate to so much of what you have already written. But that’s not a surprise since we have the same Heavenly Father. We tell our kids about all the things Sawyer is doing with Jesus…meeting Noah and hearing all about the ark, seeing Moses and asking questions. Later, I’ll tell them about Sawyer’s new friend Charlie…What beauty our sons are beholding…..so thankful Jesus was thinking of us so long ago on that cross….

    Praying you feel His arms wrapped tightly…I never knew what peace was until this…

    someone wrote this to me and I’m saying it to you….
    Yours tears flow down and God collects them all.
    Some day when you meet him face to face you’ll understand.
    But that doesn’t take away the pain. It’s okay to weep and weep.
    Some day joy will come in unexpected ways….

    Much love to you, dear sister. He loves and cares for you and holds your broken hearts until that moment of healing when you get to be reunited with your son.

  3. I saw this via a friend’s page and just wanted you to know that my heart both breaks with you and rejoices with you that Charlie is indeed free in heaven. I lost my first son at birth also, his name was Noah, and I held onto so many beautiful things the Lord spoke to me during that awful, broken grieving time, held on with both hands when it was just too tough to believe, until the truth of His mercy and grace and love for my son and for me began to be real and tangible again. Only later did the Lord give me glimpses into the “whys” and I am now at peace with trusting Him because He took my baby home out of His love and perfect plan for him and for me. I’ve since been blessed with twin boys who stole my heart, but there is a spot reserved forever in my heart for little Noah, and I can’t wait to meet him, alive and well, in heaven. What really stood out to me about what you wrote is that I, too, held my little baby’s body and sang Jesus loves you to him with all of the nurses nearby. It was my way of saying goodbye to the little guy I’d been singing to all along in my womb. My prayers are with YOU as you go through this. May the Lord uphold you with His righteous right hand and cradle you in His arms of love.

  4. I saw this via a friend’s page and just wanted you to know that my heart both breaks with you and rejoices with you that Charlie is indeed free in heaven. I lost my first son at birth also, his name was Noah, and I held onto so many beautiful things the Lord spoke to me during that awful, broken grieving time, held on with both hands when it was just too tough to believe, until the truth of His mercy and grace and love for my son and for me began to be real and tangible again. Only later did the Lord give me glimpses into the “whys” and I am now at peace with trusting Him because He took my baby home out of His love and perfect plan for him and for me. I’ve since been blessed with twin boys who stole my heart, but there is a spot reserved forever in my heart for little Noah, and I can’t wait to meet him, alive and well, in heaven. What really stood out to me about what you wrote is that I, too, held my little baby’s body and sang Jesus loves you to him with all of the nurses nearby. It was my way of saying goodbye to the little guy I’d been singing to all along in my womb. My prayers are with YOU as you go through this. May the Lord uphold you with His righteous right hand and cradle you in His arms of love.

  5. Misty, everyone of your posts moves me to tears and reminds me of how our Heavenly Father carries us. Praying for your family and feeling blessed by your blog.

  6. Misty: Your friend Catherine shared your beautiful blog with me. Your words are encouraging, your faith is a blessing to us all….And little Charlie Oh how Strong and Free he is with Jesus! Prayers for you and your family. I give thanks to the Lord who comforts and binds up (wraps bandages over your bleeding wounds) the brokenhearted! I love what the Lord did for you with Charlie’s name. He did a similar thing with my first daughter, Alexandra who was stillborn in 2005. She was our first born and I was certain from the time I was about eleven that I would name my daughter Alyssa. (When you are eleven you are quite certain God would only make you a mother to girls :)) Much to my dismay that name made me incredibly ill when I became pregnant. The thought of it, hearing the name spoken literally made me nautious. So, I said, Lord guess this child’s name is not Alyssa. Long story short we “settled on” Alexandra and we would call her Alex. That name did not make me sick! A lady from our church crocheted her name and meaning of her name and gifted it to me. That was the fist time I read the meaning of her name. Alexandra means: protector of mankind. Clearly something that is easier to do from heaven than our fallen earth! Especially if you are a girl! Anyway, I love that you started a blog. You have a gift of writing. Blessings and Continued prayers while you cling to Our Loving Heavenly Father to get you through! Love to you! Sincerely, Kay Curfman

  7. Wow, that is so amazing about his name! I love it when there is no explanation other than the Spirit when people send a verse that was so meant to comfort- perfect verse from Job! Praying multiple times a day for you friends. Love you, Robyn

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